Variables
by grungekitty
Summary: Splinter begins to notice striking parallels between his son Raphael and ex brother Saki. Fearing the worst, he takes actions to prevent tragedy, but he unknowingly begins to fan the flames in his attempts to smother them. Things begin turning into a self fulfilling prophecy until two extra variables step in to save the day. T for swearing.


**Let's see if I can get this out.**

 **-grungekitty**

* * *

There were few things that terrified Hamato Yoshi to the core. His second oldest was one.

"You care more about being a good ninja than you do about being a good brother!" Raph said aggressively.

Before Leo could respond, Splinter slammed down his cane, catching his sons' attention with the noise.

"Raphael!" He said in a warning tone.

The line had struck a chord with the man. He'd heard something similar far too many times from a far too familiar place. His fear once again boiled over as it had been lately. He's doubts had only been growing as his sons did.

"What!? Leo started it!" Raph defended, but Splinter hushed him.

"I do not wish to hear of your brother's faults." Splinter said with a stern edge to his voice. "You, Raphael, need to control your anger."

"I wasn't even yelling!" Raph defended, clearly offended.

"No, but you were careless with your words. Apologize to your brother!" Splinter demanded.

"But he's the one who-"

"Do not argue with me!"

Raph fumed for a moment before turning to Leo.

"I'm sorry." He spat nearly sarcastically through clenched teeth.

Raph then stormed off before he made a show of how irate he was.

Mikey and Donnie glanced at each other. Splinter seemed content with the situation and turned to leave. Leo had shrugged and walked off, leaving them to talk.

"Is it weird I was on Raph's side?" Mikey asked, unsure.

Donnie pressed his lips in thought.

"No. Raph really had a point. Leo shouldn't have lectured us like that." Donnie concluded.

They all had plans to meet at Murikumi's for a small party to celebrate spring coming in. They all needed a bit of a perk-up lately after all. Everyone, particularly Mikey and April, had been working for a good few weeks on the party. The Mutanimals and all their other friends where going to be there, but when the day came, Leo was antsy and didn't want to waste time on it. He insisted they all go on patrol instead. When they told him that they'd rather go to the party he had gotten huffy and left them after giving them an earful about it.

They were ready to let it go. After all, even Leo had to have his bad days. It was when they came back however, Leo went into lecture mode Raph lost his ability to let it go.

Raph had actually been really civil about it, and he had a valid reason to be mad. Donnie thought Raph was doing an excellent job of keeping his anger under control while still voicing his opinion.

"So why did Splinter lose it on him?" Mikey asked out loud, voicing Donnie's thoughts nicely.

Donnie could only shrug, unaware that their father was trying to calm down through meditation in the next room.

Splinter had been seeing familiar conversations between his oldests ever since they were little. The same competitions, the same secrets, the same games, the same fights.

Raph reminded Splinter more of his once brother than he'd like. As an extension of noting that similarity, Splinter constantly worried that his sons would turn out the same way Saki and he had. He took every chance he could to curb it before it started. He would not let his son turn out like the Shredder.

Raph's words had practically been a sentence out of a teen Saki's mouth. It had shaken the rat man to hear it. His instinct had told him to correct the behavior. It was Saki-like, and therefore, bad.

As hard as he was trying to do what was right and best, Splinter was not infallible. It never occurred to him that he himself could have been any part of the problem in the equation that made the monster known as The Shredder. As an extension, he didn't think that Leo's behavior was ever the one that needed correcting.

He didn't realize that he was making the same mistakes his own father had. He was using the same methods to cool his own son's temper as his father had tried with Saki. He treating Raph's fierce emotions the same way Saki's had been treated. He was scrutinizing Raphael the same way his father had his brother and him. He held his oldest on the same unintentional pedestal that he himself had been on. It almost was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There was one hope, one change in the equation, one thing that could alter the course they all seemed destined for.

There were two more brothers.

"Leo you should apologize." Donnie said sternly.

"What? Why? Even Splinter thought I was right!" Leo defended.

Donnie shook his head.

"Doesn't matter. You were pretty awful today, bro." Mikey said with a seriousness he usually doesn't have.

Donnie nodded.

"Raph had a legitimate reason to be upset with you, so did we for that matter. He didn't raise his voice or threaten you. From what I saw, he was keeping a pretty level head! I don't think Splinter was paying much attention. To be honest, I think he just assumed Raph was the bad guy without figuring out what was going on. He's been doing that lately." Donnie finished, having said more than he would have liked.

"What are you talking about?" Leo asked.

"There was last week when you ruined the cake I was making." Mikey said, anger still in his voice.

"That was an accident!" Leo's voice cracked.

"Yeah well, when Raph was telling you that it was a stupid idea to do that in the kitchen Splinter took away TV for three days for him!" Mikey explained.

"Ok, yeah that was a little unfair…" Leo admitted, looking away in guilt.

"Or when Raph was getting on to me last month for saying something I….admittedly shouldn't of said to Mikey." Donnie guiltily mumbled "He got lectured about being nicer to me."

"Or when I started wrestling with him a few weeks back! He got four hours of training for 'roughhousing'. I tried to tell Sensei that it was my bad too, but he wouldn't listen!" Mikey added.

"Or when we missed curfew because you two were fighting the other night. You _both_ should have gotten in trouble for that, but only Raph did." Donnie listed.

"Ok! I get it!" Leo said, throwing his hands up. "I guess you guys are kind of right."

It was hard to think of his father making mistakes like that, but Leo had to accept it. The proof was in front of him, and there was too much to ignore.

Leo used his new perspective to realize how Raph must be feeling and felt sullen. The more he reflected on his actions, the more he realized he was being pretty unreasonable.

"Sorry about the party." Leo offered.

"Tell that to Raph, Bro." Mikey told him.

Leo nodded and took off for his brother's room.

Meanwhile, Raph laid in bed, tossing up a rubber ball and catching it again repeatedly, trying to distract himself from his festering anger.

It felt like no matter what he did, it wasn't enough for his brother and father. His father seemed to be waiting for his next screw up so he could call him out and punish him. It felt like all they ever saw were his flaws.

Even when he tried to do the right thing, he just got scolded on how he did it wrong. He got lectures on how he could be better, never praise on how he did well. Meanwhile Leo was only ever reprimanded for his worst offensives.

Raph felt awful about himself constantly. He was always asking himself if his sensei was being unfair, or if he really was that horrible.

Did it even matter if he was? If his brother and father were already determined to see him as a villain there wasn't much he could do at this point to change their minds.

He could stop trying to gain their ever allusive favor and just do what he liked.

Sometimes he wondered what was stopping him from just leaving and doing that. Clearly he wasn't wanted!

Mikey would miss him. That was the answer. Mikey made it painfully obvious every time he got mad and left. He'd come back to the lair and Mikey would be all over him. Donnie too, he usually came back with some banged up knuckles and Donnie wouldn't sit still until he handled them.

Maybe Mikey knew how much he wanted to leave some days. Maybe that was why he was so keen on letting Raph know he was missed.

Maybe Donnie knew too. Maybe that was why Donnie made sure he was cared for. Whether they knew it or not, there were plenty of times those two had been the only things keeping him from running far away.

Sure he loved Splinter and Leo, it's just hard to justify your love when it doesn't feel reciprocated.

There was a knock on the door which was clearly Leonardo.

"I swear to all that's good Fearless, if this is another lecture!" Raph threatened openly.

Leo took this as permission enough to come in.

Raph tossed his ball across the room when Leo closed the door behind himself. He glared at Leo, refusing to say the next word.

Leo gulped down his nerves and took his turn to speak.

"I just wanted to say sorry about earlier. I _was_ kind of being a jerk." Leo said as plainly as he could.

"Got that right." Raph agreed, turning his gaze back to the ceiling. "Clearly Splinter didn't put you up to this, so why the sudden apology?"

Leo laughed a little. His brother knew him well.

"Donnie and Mikey got on my case." He said lightly. "They were right about me needed to apologize. Also about Sensei being kind of unfair to you lately."

Leo's light voice dropped with the gravity of his words. He hadn't planned on taking about this right then, but since the conversation had already been started, there was no way to back out now.

"Really?" Raph asked in an awe-filled tone, sitting up. "You actually think so?"

Raph was so relieved and shocked to hear his brother validate that he wasn't crazy. It was consoling to know he wasn't imagining it.

"Well I didn't notice until Donnie and Mikey pointed it out. Sorry about that too. I should have noticed sooner, and on my own! I should have been a better brother." Leo started to ramble guiltily.

"Cool it, Fearless." Raph said lightly, seeing his brother fall into familiar habits. "You noticed now, that's what's important. And everybody needs some help every now and again, even you, oh perfect leader!"

Leo blushed at the teasing.

"It was weird how mad he got. I mean what you said wasn't even that bad." Leo changed the subject.

"I don't know. He's been getting really mad at random things I do lately." Raph shrugged.

"But why?" Leo asked, as if his brother knew.

Raph shrugged again, with a very clear "Beats me" look in his eyes.

* * *

"Leo! Why are you always taking stuff from me!?" Raph snapped.

Leo just snickered as he scooted away with the popcorn.

Raph had meant it as a playful taunt, but just when Raph was about to tackle his brother he was yanked back by his father.

There was a fury in his eyes that Raph didn't understand. Leo had just taken some popcorn, surely Splinter wasn't going to scream at him for _that_!

"RAPHAEL! YOU DO NOT TALK TO YOU BROTHER THAT WAY!" Splinter roared.

All four turtles stared.

"What?" Donnie choked out.

"Sensei….it was just a joke…." Leo tried. "Besides! I was the one that stole from him-"

"YAME! Stay out of this Leonardo!" Splinter snapped, glaring back at his second oldest.

"What the fuck!?" Raph yelled, shoving his father off. "What is your problem!? Leo gets away with taking food from me, but I get the third degree for a mean tone in my voice!?"

His brothers jumped. Raph had sworn….TO THEIR FATHER!

"Raphael! Go to your room!" Splinter ordered.

"NO!" Raph said, standing up "I'm sick of this! I can't do anything without pissing you off, can I? I'm just the screw up, aren't I? I'm always the bad guy! No matter what! Am I ever anything but a problem to you!?"

Splinter felt rushing fear fill his senses. Raph sounded exactly like Saki once had. Splinter had heard this fight before between his own father and brother. He was beginning to panic, frightened that he couldn't prevent his son's descent no matter what. Adrenaline filled him as his frantic mind screamed at him to do something to stop Raph.

So he hit him.

Splinter hit him full force. Fueled by all his panic and fear, Splinter didn't make his blow soft.

Raph hadn't been expecting it. He went down from the force of the blow. Shocked faces settled on their father.

After the noise was finished echoing there was silence. The TV had been on, yet it wasn't now, or perhaps no one could hear it over the silence.

Raph stood, his face red with irritation and blood. He was going to have a black eye and his busted lip was bleeding. Had he been a human his nose would be spilling blood too.

The silence stayed as Raph glared at his father.

Then he spoke. Words Splinter hadn't ever wanted to hear.

"I. FUCKING. HATE. YOU."

With that Raph booked it out of the lair.

Everyone sat too shocked and scared to move for another moment. Splinter had thought he'd had at least another year or two before he heard those words. He was about to cry when another son of his beat him to it.

"DON'T EVER LAY A HAND ON MY BROTHER AGAIN!" Mikey screamed with tears in his eyes as he pushed Splinter down.

Mikey took a moment to realize that it was his father he'd just attacked, but he decided it didn't matter if the man were the president, he had hit Raph.

"How could you do that!? He didn't even do anything wrong!" Mikey ranted " _Leo_ was the one that started it! _Leo_ took his popcorn! Why are you so….unreasonable with him! He had a point you know! He never does anything right in your eyes!"

Splinter stuttered at his son.

Donnie stood by Mikey.

"He's been trying so hard and it's never enough for you! I've watched you tear into these last few months over the stupidest offenses! What is your damage!?" Donnie screamed, crying himself.

"Guys, calm down." Leo tried.

If looks could kill Donnie would have murdered Leo.

"DON'T YOU _DARE_!" Donnie screamed "You've been getting away with _murder_ recently! Splinter never scolds his golden son, does he!?"

Leo shut his mouth tightly while Splinter's fell open loosely.

"He's never been good enough for you! All you've ever done is tell him how awful he is!" Mikey cried passionately.

"He could be picking flowers and you could still find something to lecture him over! Meanwhile Leo could rob a _bank_ and you'd probably make him tea!" Donnie accused.

"My sons…" Splinter pleaded.

"Don't!" Donnie warned.

"I'm Raph's brother, so don't call me that until you can say it about him too!" Mikey sneered, then he ran out, presumably to find and comfort Raph.

Splinter shook.

"I had no idea….you felt this way…." He said in a wheezing voice. "Leonardo, do you think I've been too hard on your brother?"

There was a definite pleading in the old rat's eyes, but Leo couldn't decide what he wanted. So he settled on the truth.

"Yes, Sensei." Leo said quietly. "None of us even know what you're mad about. You just seem to snap at him randomly…especially about how he talks to me."

Splinter ran his hands through his fur.

"I wanted to save him, not drive him away." He said regretfully.

"Save him from what?" Donnie asked, having calmed down significantly.

Splinter sighed sadly.

"In his youth, Oraku Saki was much like your brother. I feared that Raphael would follow a similar path if I did not stop him. So I was reacting whenever he would say something similar to Saki when he was his age." Splinter explained shakily. "Forgive me, my fear and regrets of failing to save my brother from his own destructive ways led me to lose myself."

"And you though making Raph feel unloved would help?" Donnie asked.

"I….no." Splinter sighed "I did not realize that was what I had been doing. I am sorry."

"Raph's the one you should be saying that to." Leo said.

"You have grown wise, my son." Splinter smiled dryly.

"I'm not the only one." Leo winked at Donnie. "Thanks for helping little bro."

Donnie smiled a little.

The three had stayed up waiting for their remaining brothers for a long time before Splinter sent Leo and Donnie to bed. The two were tired enough not to protest.

Mikey came back with Raph hours after Donnie and Leo went to sleep. Splinter had insisted on staying up.

Although reluctant to listen, Raph and Mikey let Splinter say his apologies.

"I'm am very sorry my sons. I love you." Splinter cried, hugging Raph close.

"You're so lucky Mikey came after me." Raph said in a morbidly joking voice. "I wouldn't have come back."

Splinter sobbed, clinging his son to his chest.

"I am so sorry, Raphael! My son. My precious son!" Splinter said while stroking Raph's head. "Everything I did was because I feared losing you. Forgive me for my blindness. I love you so very much!"

Mikey started to give them their privacy, but Raph grabbed him before he got far.

"Come here!" Raph insisted, wrapping his arms closely around his little brother. "Thanks bro. You and Donnie really saved the day! I mean I wasn't planning on burning anything down or anything, but whatever I would've done, it probably wasn't going to be pretty."

"Indeed. You and your brother helped me see my mistakes and saved us all from them before it was too late." Splinter smiled with pride.

Raph gave him a noggie for good measure then released him.

"Now go to bed, it's late." He demanded.

Mikey smiled and agreed, relieved that his family hadn't been torn apart. There would have been a lot of broken hearts that night.

Thank god there were two extra variables to change the outcome.

* * *

 **Hey I finished it!**

 **Two sittings and I finished it! Neat!**

 **-grungekitty**


End file.
